The Gerbil Speaks

Riddles

2006-02-18T19:03:00.000-08:00

The foolish man asked the bright moon
"Why do the creatures howl at you night, morning and noon?
They eat my people so of them, I am no fan
The blood thirsty monsters travel in packs
That is all my known facts. What are these demons?"
What did the moon reply?
Answer: Nothing, the moon can't speak

What clouds the truth,
Troubles the sleuth
Can not be used in math
deceit and trouble is its path?
Answer: a Lie

Moves the factory's oxygen, fuel and food,
Works every day, dispite a possible mood.
Millions move without a push or a shove,
the boss keeps them moving and is the symbol of love.
Answer: Blood

I fly high in the sky,
In dark caves I lie.
I create a deadly flame without matches or wood,
Beware of greed and me, you should.
Who am I?
Answer: A Dragon

I bring wisdom, cunning and eternal sleep,
I bring respect, and bones that break at a leap.
I bring knowledge, experience, and wrinkles.
Who am I?
Answer: Age

It's blood flows from out, in, then back out,
It gets zapped daily, but does not pout.
Its waste is not solid liquid or gas,
To protect it, it has armor of glass.
Answer: A Lightbulb

What can't open a door,
yet has the power to soar.
On plant killers it feeds,
It's red armor has painted black beads.
Answer: A Ladybug

I fall but never land
I bring relief to adults and fear to children
I avoid bright light and give cover to those who feel the same
I bring a chilling cold,
and half the world I hold.
Answer: Night

You can't touch it on high mountains,
It slowly drains deep fountains.
It lies at an unspeakable height,
Shield much from sight.
Answer: Clouds

I am between yellow and red,
Only once I shed.
I contain lots of acid,
yet I am very placid.
Without trying, I have much fame,
Perhaps, because, my color is my name.
Answer: An orange

burrows deep within the ground,
Without making even the slightest sound.
Live easily without legs,
consuming dirt, decay and even wooden pegs.
Sightless it thrives,
Cut in half it survives.
Answer: An Earthworm

Nearly impossible to slay,
Consumes all flesh and decay.
Exists without life,
deadlier than the cruel cold knife.
Its vile filthy disgusting features,
Consumes the mind of all creatures.
Answer: A Zombie

It has murdered more than millions of souls,
And has left them to rot in holes.
It has shown great feats of might,
Yet has never won a fight.
Answer: War

Tag: Riddle

The Letter

2005-11-02T19:11:00.000-08:00

34th Crazy Drive/Galaxy Advertising
Canyou CP U82-P0O
November 31st, 2005

Edward Collins, president
First Choice Advertising
19th street 23rd avenue
Edmonton AB TR4-2H1

Dear Mr. Collins:

I hope you will graciously consider my offer on merging our great buisinesses to create the ultimite and dominating advertising company. You see Mr. Collins, when considering space travel, Your First Choice would be to enter the galaxy. It is inevitable because it is what surrounds us Mr. Collins. So jugging on our brilliant choice of names we were simply meant to be. Think of it this way, if our previously successful companies joined, and you went broke, the galaxy would help and aid you through that crisis. With our budgets combined, we could double our profit, Edward. Just think of the possibilities!
We could improve the quality and quantity of billboards and flyers! I have seen far too many broken billboards that are contorted in unspeakable ways, but with this merge, we could revolutionize the way the world looks at advertising! With this merge, the public will look forward about the future, because it would be bright and filled with possibilities. Flyers would no longer be called junk mail, they would be called Galaxy mail, or exquisitely excellent and not so junky mail, or perhaps even... First Choice Galaxy Mail! Remember Mr. Collins, choose wisely and together we could rule the advertising industry. When making your important decision, don't forget, the galaxy is waiting.

Sincerely,
The Gerbil Hiding in the Closet

The Forgetful Giant

2005-11-02T19:10:00.000-08:00

uh oh, trouble

The town feared this moment as soon as the sun rose,

and then it came, du du daaaaa

It did not eat the town, as originaly planned. It insulted the town until they fell down bored.
It was a fate worse than death, by a forgetful giant.

"it coughed, and spoke in a crackling, booming voice:
you are bad, bad people, you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I tell you that u are bad, bad people, and you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I mention that you are bad, bad people, you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I tell you that u are bad, bad people, and you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I mention that you are bad, bad people, you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I tell you that u are bad, bad people, and you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I mention that you are bad, bad people, you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad.grrr why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I tell you that u are bad, bad people, and you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I mention that you are bad, bad people, you hurtmy feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I tell you that u are bad, bad people, and you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I mention that you are bad, bad people, you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I tell you that u are bad, bad people, and you hurt my feelings very much. you are all mean, bad, and not nice. I hate you. you make me sad. why do you have to use words with more than four letters? You hurt my brain a lot. I will eat you now. but did I mention that..."

This went on for many exahsting days.

The (not quite) end

If you don't know what to do with your self, find when the forgetful giant says "grrr"
:)

Tags: giant
story
boring

The slightly odd advertisment

2005-11-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

Hello world, do you suffer from ufqwnfopqnbeonbfdoapnfdoepawefdspoadfnpaw?
if you do, then you probable need to take the pill called dofihadopvahnposhdevihaphfcsda.
side effects of this pill are slightly random out bursts of jibberish and incomprehensible nonscence
To cure this unfortunate side effect you must go to anasfnoinopirebwofsdochbopih then you must oipbcoqboiewbcpsdfiubpfdssdf and just like magic, you will be cured!
to purchase this miracle pill, call opwenovqhpspcssadfw and buy it for only $8.99!!!

Tags: advertisement story pill

Tringuins Rat - the recipe

2005-11-02T19:05:00.000-08:00

In 3 EASY steps!
Breed an unstoppable army!!

Makes 12!!!

Materials	Spells
1 flask of Gumberflab	Tringuins Beam of Life
1/2 a vial of Klond Root	Ray of Strength
1 pint of Yeulp	Mystic Armor
1/2 a Tanglefoot Bag
1/5 of a potion of enlarging
Bits of Mithril
1 Crows Foot
1 Loyalty Bead
2 Drops of Dew from Mt. Ninemex
1 flask of Wasp Honey
4 scoops of Manure (smelly)
1 Horn of Bull
A Good Sized Cooking Pot
Stirring Stick
12 Dungeon Rats (any type)

Fill the pot with the gumberflab, klond root and the yeulp. Stir partially with water. Add tanglefoot bag and stir until thoroughly mixed. Now cast Mystic Armor. (This is for protecting the rats from any falling junk that may harm them) Set in cool area and let sit for 3 minutes.
Remove and slowly add the remaining ingredients in this order: Potion of enlarging, bit of mithril, crows foot, loyalty bead, the drops of dew, wasp honey, manure, then lastly the bull horn. Mix gently and cast Ray of Strength. Next cast Ray of Strength and lightly set in in a closed room with a lave pit in it. Whisper the name of who they will serve.
Now cast Tringuins Beam of Life, dip into the pit of molten lava. Quickly remove let sit in the lava room for 5 minutes. Take out, let sit in the sitting room for 24 hours. When you return you should have 12 obedient rats standing slightly wet.

A long time ago in a mystical land, terror and horror brewed undisturbed. Tringuin is an evil orc sorcerer with a crudely tattooed body and a thousand ugly scars reaching across his face like probing fingers. In his hand a sparkling, glittering gem always lay because it was the Gem of Loyalty. Tringuin, the Creator of Evil and Punisher of Good, has been mutating and creating despicable, vile creatures. They are rats that are enlarged, stand on two legs, and are bred with an unnatural loyalty to their creator. Tringuin already has quite a few, but the recipe must be improved. Sometimes the loyalty bead (which is powered by the Gem of Loyalty) is forgotten causing the hideous rats to rebel for freedom.

“The retrieval squad is late, very late,” the rat informed.

Tringuin looked at his creation with disgust. Wretched, filthy, disgusting didn’t even to begin to describe its appearance. With three toes and fingers of long and cracked nails, wielding a rusty sword, these were deadly and fierce monsters. Their skin is a sickly tone of green with random blotches of flea-infested hair. Compared to these creatures, Tringuin was beautiful. Not that he cared, they were incredibly strong, and would obey his every command without complaint.

“Yet another fault,” Tringuin grumbled angrily, “this is the fourth one this week.”

The rat replied, as if to read his mind, “Shall I get your axe for you master?”

He nodded, but in his mind he was working out the explanation. Edward is the reason. Him and his free rats. They are always meddling in and ruining my operations. Why should he help the peaceful city of Dicalp when they exiled him? Hmmm, it will not matter anyways, because his persistence will be his undoing.

Tringuin’s thoughts where interrupted by the horrible voice of his rat.

“I brought you your axe, master,” the rat squeaked. Tringuin snatched it and headed off to the setting cavern with low hopes that the retrieval squad just got slightly distracted.

There was Edward accompanied by several rats with a thick, stained, yellow headband. That was the trademark of Edward’s rats.

“Hello Mr. Edward Faul,” Tringuin spat out with disgust.

Edward Faul, the Exiled Knight of Dicalp, had a single deep scar stretching from his forehead to his chin. He is a human trained in the art of duel bladed weapons, and will stop at nothing to accomplish his goal.

“Good evening or good morning, you can never tell in this rotting dungeon of yours,” Edward laughed cruelly.

“I’m not wealthy, and can’t afford good lighting or a janitor, so quiet!” Tringuin growled.

Edward spitefully replied, “Then again I suppose it’s good enough for an ugly orc like yourself.”

“Leave me alone, I have an army to brew and a city to destroy!” Tringuin shouted back, “Why do you defend them, after they took everything from you?”

Edward yelled in return, “I was exiled because of you! I knew about your plans, I would have taken a group of knights to infiltrate your hideous lair. They called me crazy, and a hallucinating maniac. I will prove them wrong.”

“You will, by standing aside!” Tringuin hollered while raising his weapon.

Edward snickered, “You stand no chance, because you are surrounded.”

He drew his sword, with a blade on either side. Tringuin knew that Edward was deadly with it, but he also knew that he had an advantage. Unlike most orcs, he could cast deadly and fearsome spells.

Tringuin pointed a finger at three advancing rats and muttered, “Instealom Nindra Hastrengthu!”

Instantly a ray of vivid purple light shot out and stole the strength of the attacking rats. They fell to the ground helplessly, and without the strength even to stand. Tringuin’s muscles bulged with the newly added power. He growled as he fearlessly charged at the remaining yellow bands.

Tringuin whispered to himself, “Stintoe Fearent!” The yellow banded rats squealed in terror as Tringuin charged relentlessly. In four swipes he silenced most of them, and left the rest the flee without a second glance.

Tringuin snarled menacingly, “Your useless rats are inferior without the bead. They are easily scared and mislead.”

Edward glared and ran head on with indignation to fuel his power. He began to swing with his right blade, but swiftly pulled it back which resulted in the left blade scraping Tringuin’s shoulder.

“Aaaaaaaahg!” Tringuin roared in agony.

Edward was not quite finished yet. He placed his duel bladed weapon in front of him and began to spin it very quickly. Tringuin staggered back from the twirling weapon. He knew that Edward could smoothly strike faster than lightning anywhere, and following the blades would lead to destruction. There was no telling where he would thrust his deadly sword. Before it was too late, Tringuin decided to cast a spell.

“Vishield Ot Alinord!” Tringuin chanted.

A vibrant, bright blue wall erupted form the ground in between the two nemeses. At that precise moment, Edward jabbed his omnipresent weapon into where Tringuin’s heart was. Luckily for the orc, it only shattered the newly summoned shield into millions of tiny shards. They flew all across the room sending sparks and spiders flying like a fireworks spectacle. Edward stood in shock, which left just enough time for Tringuin to seize the moment, literally. Tringuin reached out and dragged Edward into the ceiling with a sickening thud. Next, using the previously stolen strength, he effortlessly tossed Edward into a nearby wall. Tringuin walked back clutching his wounded shoulder, not believing he was still standing.

Edward hollered after him, “I am not finished yet! Remember, I will never give up!”

Tringuin spun around in response. “Hahahaha, you will never achieve victory, so don’t forget it!” Tringuin snarled back despite his disbelief.

A few months passed, and both enemies were becoming experts at their work. Edward was escaping with more and more fugitive rats, and Tringuin was making less and less mistakes. The unnoticed dungeon battle ended on one fateful day.

“Master, I have good news, very good, good news!” a pitiful messenger rat squealed, “The camouflage scouts have discovered the nasty yellow band hideout!”

Tringuin chuckled, “Excellent, I have waited for this moment long enough.” He rubbed the Gem of Loyalty with a devilish feeling of triumph. Tringuin continued, “Assemble the rats, Edward has nowhere to run.”

Tringuin smiled with glee, his sleepless nights would finally come to an end. Together, with all his corrupt rat followers, they marched bravely into the lava pit.

They reached their destination. The lava pit was a colossal cavern that was incredibly tall, and a pit of bubbling magma in the center. The molten rock continuously hisses and shoots out massive steam clouds billowing into the air like a legendary dragon. Edward and a group of his rats were just returning into a secret room on the caverns wall, when they were stopped by Tringuin’s victorious voice.

“What a lovely place for a climactic death of the great Edward Faul.” Tringuin laughed joyfully, “Brilliant plan you had, Edward. Wait for us to set the rats in here and remove the wonderful loyalty bead from my pot. After that you wait for us to let it sit, you come and just claim my hard work as your own. How horribly despicable!”

Edward quickly looked into his hidden room, called out to something, then chuckled.

“You have immensely underestimated how many rats I have Tringuin,” Edward said with a bit of vengeance trailing in his voice.

At that moment a thousand rats spilled out of the room like a waterfall and charged.

Tringuin wondered how they could have stolen an army of this magnitude. He also wondered if he and his rats would survive. What Tringuin did know, was that they were hopelessly outnumbered.

A rat asked him, “Shall we retreat master?”

Tringuin answered, “No, we will never flee like cowards, from Edward or his yellow bands.”

At this moment Tringuin’s rats charged, which resulted in a clash of swords and flying rodents. Tringuin roared in fear and charged into the battle as well.

The battle was horrific, and filled with screams of pain, as well as grunts of victory. Tringuin swung his axe like a pro, and occasionally cast some spells.

He would point a finger and growl in fury, ‘Onblastadulc Wondim!’

At that moment a beam of red, burning light would emerge and fly through the air without fault. It would strike it’s target with amazing accuracy, and let all others stand in awe. This battle within the lava room continued on and on for quite a while, until it was interrupted by Edward.

“Tringuin, you have had your fun, come and play with me!” Edward shouted.

In response, Tringuin marched over and swung at Edward's head. Edward flicked his wrist and sent the deadly axe slashing through air. Edward began to swing at Tringuin’s previous cut. Tringuin slashed his sword, sending Edward's arms flailing towards the ceiling.

Edward called to a yellow band, “Attack Tringuin!”

Tringuin spun around and smashed the Gem of Loyalty over the rat’s head, knocking it out cold.

Tringuin muttered, “ Onblastadulc Wondim!”

The beam of red light shot at Edward with an incredible speed, effectively pushing him off his feet as well. Tringuin laughed as he walked up to Edward. He twirled the gem between his fingers in happiness. Then he noticed something. Edward looked at the gem then out past him. He was looking past the raging battle, and into the lava pit. Before Tringuin could react, Edward threw his weapon at the Gem of Loyalty, and sent it sailing through the air. With a tiny splash, it melted within the lava pit slowly, eternally and was never found again. Tringuin gasped as his rats shook off an invisible disease and instantly quit their bickering and fighting. Edward walked up, this time he was laughing.

“You see, you cannot force someone to be loyal to you, you must earn it, like I did,” Edward laughed joyfully.

Edward picked up his sword, slashed the terrible recipe off Tringuin's belt, and threw it into the lava with the gem. All of the rats were very disappointed in Tringuin, and how he practically enslaved them. They decided to finish him off once and for all. Tringuin had one last trick up his sleeve though.

“Teleportigh Xaldin Winuba,” Tringuin chanted quickly.

Tringuin was surrounded by a majestic white light, and suddenly it disappeared with an eerie, howling laughter. He was never found again.

Edward returned to Dicalp, and was welcomed with open arms. He brought all the rats, and they became part of it’s population and culture. Tringuin roamed the forest in search of a new dungeon. He looks at his new recipe with pride, and the loyalty bead is crossed off.

THE END

Tags: fantasy story rat magic Tringuin